Discipline in this Moment
The most important thing we can give our children is our presence. When I say presence I mean our full undivided attention within this moment without using our old thoughts and beliefs to guide us but rather using the moment itself as the guide. When we are able to be fully present with our children discipline becomes a new opportunity to love them and each moment we as the parent have the chance to meet that opportunity or let it pass us by. Oftentimes I see a child who is misbehaving, as we as parents perceive it. This misbehaving is met with a look of disdain from a parent. Oftentimes I hear parents say to ignore a child when they are looking for attention using negative behavior. I believe the goal is not to ignore the child but rather to notice what it is about the behavior that is roping us in. What belief do we have about that behavior that causes us to react negatively. When my child is roaring like a lion and trying to get my attention but at the same time I am getting annoyed-that is a sure clue that it is my turn to look inside and recognize my issue and let it go. Was I discouraged from making noise when I was younger? Was I discouraged from acting silly? Were my parents annoyed that I was around? What belief system or thoughts come in when I hear that loud roar? And in this moment can I let them go? Then I am able to meet the moment, bend down and look into my dear sweet innocent child’s eyes and say, “Hey, what’s going on? What are you trying to tell me?” When it appears that our children are trying to annoy us, when we feel our children are driving us crazy; that is the moment, the split second when we have the opportunity to go from being a good parent to a great parent. It is in this moment that we get to look inside of ourselves and recognize our own meshugas about our own childhood. The beliefs we have about how to love and the stories we keep repeating. In this moment we get to make the ultimate parenting decision. Do I allow myself to repeat history or do I grab onto the moment and transform my past into my children’s future? What an amazing opportunity for us.
6/10/2010 01:07:01 am
I have to say I disagree with you. As parents, our purpose is to help our children become independent, functioning adults in the society in which we live. We help them figure out what is acceptable behavior and what is not. They test us, we let them know when they have crossed the line. If a kid roars like a lion and we encourage it, will he then roar like a lion during prayers at school because he thinks it is allowed?
6/13/2010 12:58:53 pm
Bonnie, thank you so much for your comments.
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